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nott_caine"No..." the words tumble from her lips, her face raw and vulnerable as she stared up at Joshua. Her hands still hovering over her knapsack, her packing half finished as she listened to his news. Whatever thoughts she had before crumbled under the crushing weight laid on her shoulders and heart. Her things still strewn about, her world now upside down and in disarray.
"He can't be dead...not Matthew." Selene said, struggling to even take a breath. That was impossible. Matthew didn't die. He was eternal, a solid fixture in her life that was bound to exist long after her. "You're lying."
Joshua leaned against the doorway, watching her closely, for once not coming towards her or offering her comfort. She hadn't wanted it from him lately, her thoughts and her words always of Matthew. Determination had crept into her healing, a strength building from the need to see her lover again. Where else would she go after such traumatic events in her life or Earth shaking news? There was nowhere else to go but to Matt's arms. She would weep against him, rage in the night, but be soothed back to her normal state, ready to continue her life as she always had.
But it couldn't be anymore. Joshua refused to allow her to return to her former existence and the walls she hid behind. She needed to become a soldier, a leader. The only way for that healing to begin was to tear everything down and rebuild, fresh and new. There couldn't be anymore hiding, no more using her vices as a means to cope with her status or state. She had to face it.
He didn't know Matthew personally, but he heard rumors about the man and then later gained enough intel about his relationship with Selene to know that she would only find enablement with him. Matthew was a man addicted to his vices, using them in the same way that Selene did. If she went to him now, whatever progress she made, whatever move she made to become the leader he needed, she would lose. Her attention solely focused on her love and her need for him.
It had to be ended, for her own good.
"He is," Joshua said to her, not wavering under the lie. "I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Matthew met his final death some time ago while you were in Torpor."
Selene dropped her bag, her body shaking as fresh tears came to her eyes. Fierce denial taking root in her heart. How could he dead?! It was impossible! She would know, deep in her heart, she would feel it! He was so much a part of her, that the rest of her would crumble to dust if he ever left this life!
"You're lying!" She said again firmly, refusing to give in and ever accept that something could take Matt from her. Not him, never him! Not when she had never told him....not when she had never admitted the truth, even to herself.
"Selene, he is."
"Don't say that!" She screamed, her tears now falling from her eyes. She could feel the process of decay in her now, the first time in so long that she actually could believe she was nothing more than corpse. A walking, sentient corpse. What was left now but that void, that emptiness that every monster possessed. Matt had taken all of her with him.
"No! Not him! Not Matthew!" She cried out, flinging her things across the room, breaking the bed posts, the chairs, the mirrors, anything that crossed her path. Why should these things be standing and not Matt?! How could the world keep spinning and Matthew not be on it?! "He's not dead! He wouldn't leave me! Not like that!"
Her fists beat into the wall, feeling it crack and crumble beneath her hands. Her body shaking with adrenaline, rage and sorrow. Joshua was behind her in an instant, grabbing hold of her, keeping hold of her wrists as arms wrapped around her frame. She fell to the ground, her strength leaving her small frame. She was nothing anymore, nothing living at least. Whatever killed Matthew, she didn't want to know. She may have wanted revenge for Marlow or against Milton, but what was the point now? Why bother fighting against the culprit? It wouldn't return Matthew to her, it would return him to her arms. It was meaningless, life was meaningless.
She sobbed pitifully, succumbing at last to the grief she had restrained for so long, her heart gone completely. Her walls departing, why bother hiding anymore? What was she but a broken shell of her former self. She was buried now with Matthew, dust to dust.
"He can't be dead...not Matthew." Selene said, struggling to even take a breath. That was impossible. Matthew didn't die. He was eternal, a solid fixture in her life that was bound to exist long after her. "You're lying."
Joshua leaned against the doorway, watching her closely, for once not coming towards her or offering her comfort. She hadn't wanted it from him lately, her thoughts and her words always of Matthew. Determination had crept into her healing, a strength building from the need to see her lover again. Where else would she go after such traumatic events in her life or Earth shaking news? There was nowhere else to go but to Matt's arms. She would weep against him, rage in the night, but be soothed back to her normal state, ready to continue her life as she always had.
But it couldn't be anymore. Joshua refused to allow her to return to her former existence and the walls she hid behind. She needed to become a soldier, a leader. The only way for that healing to begin was to tear everything down and rebuild, fresh and new. There couldn't be anymore hiding, no more using her vices as a means to cope with her status or state. She had to face it.
He didn't know Matthew personally, but he heard rumors about the man and then later gained enough intel about his relationship with Selene to know that she would only find enablement with him. Matthew was a man addicted to his vices, using them in the same way that Selene did. If she went to him now, whatever progress she made, whatever move she made to become the leader he needed, she would lose. Her attention solely focused on her love and her need for him.
It had to be ended, for her own good.
"He is," Joshua said to her, not wavering under the lie. "I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Matthew met his final death some time ago while you were in Torpor."
Selene dropped her bag, her body shaking as fresh tears came to her eyes. Fierce denial taking root in her heart. How could he dead?! It was impossible! She would know, deep in her heart, she would feel it! He was so much a part of her, that the rest of her would crumble to dust if he ever left this life!
"You're lying!" She said again firmly, refusing to give in and ever accept that something could take Matt from her. Not him, never him! Not when she had never told him....not when she had never admitted the truth, even to herself.
"Selene, he is."
"Don't say that!" She screamed, her tears now falling from her eyes. She could feel the process of decay in her now, the first time in so long that she actually could believe she was nothing more than corpse. A walking, sentient corpse. What was left now but that void, that emptiness that every monster possessed. Matt had taken all of her with him.
"No! Not him! Not Matthew!" She cried out, flinging her things across the room, breaking the bed posts, the chairs, the mirrors, anything that crossed her path. Why should these things be standing and not Matt?! How could the world keep spinning and Matthew not be on it?! "He's not dead! He wouldn't leave me! Not like that!"
Her fists beat into the wall, feeling it crack and crumble beneath her hands. Her body shaking with adrenaline, rage and sorrow. Joshua was behind her in an instant, grabbing hold of her, keeping hold of her wrists as arms wrapped around her frame. She fell to the ground, her strength leaving her small frame. She was nothing anymore, nothing living at least. Whatever killed Matthew, she didn't want to know. She may have wanted revenge for Marlow or against Milton, but what was the point now? Why bother fighting against the culprit? It wouldn't return Matthew to her, it would return him to her arms. It was meaningless, life was meaningless.
She sobbed pitifully, succumbing at last to the grief she had restrained for so long, her heart gone completely. Her walls departing, why bother hiding anymore? What was she but a broken shell of her former self. She was buried now with Matthew, dust to dust.